baby stuff

[littlemissfutility]

Waking up from anesthesia is weird. Beth hears things first, a voice she doesn't recognize speaking to her. After a moment or two, she manages to crack her eyes open, her vision coming blearily into focus. More hospital, if a different part of the building. Everything seems soft and yellowy in this little curtained-off portion of room, aside from the nurse looking into her face, reaching to take her pulse, asking questions Beth doesn't answer. There are more important things to worry about first, like where--

Where Dee is. If the baby's all right. As soon as she thinks it, though, she's already got the answer. He's there beside her, staring into one of those little plastic boxes they keep babies in at hospitals, where there's a tiny, sleepy-looking newborn wrapped up in a pink blanket and cap.

The nurse seems used to that kind of reaction, giving Beth a little smile as she hands her a cup. Slowly, she's told, drink slowly and it'll be easier to talk after. When the tepid water hits her tongue, she realizes just how thirsty she is, but she makes herself take two little sips before she does anything else.

"Dee?" Her voice is still a little rough, but she can get her words out. He looks like somebody showed him The Little Mermaid for the first time all over again.

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[littlemissfutility]

[She studies him, trying to figure out how to answer. After a few moments' consideration, she realizes there's only one option: take it one step at a time, without judgment.]

Do you want to?

[d33tached]

[Without quite noticing himself doing it, D33 sucks in a deep breath, eyes falling again to the little bundle in Beth's arm.

[And, again, he shakes his head, this time without much more to say.

[But he has to say something.]

Perhaps...another time.

You've only just seen her, after all.

[littlemissfutility]

I can share.

[Admittedly, she doesn't want to--she wants to hold her and kiss her little face and keep her right here--but Beth had her to herself for nine months. And if Dee won't hold her now...she's not sure he ever will.

So, with effort, she doesn't leave him at his word and keep cooing over the baby. She watches Dee, taking in that worried, frozen kind of stare. If she pushes him, is that going to make it worse? She can't leave it alone.

But maybe holding the baby's a big step.]

You don't have to hold her. [Yet. A pause.] Have...have you touched her yet?

[d33tached]

[D33 is getting pretty used to shaking his head at this point, and when he does so this time, he almost looks embarrassed - ashamed, maybe, is the right word.]

I didn't want to...[He pauses. How does he put this? How can he put this? His cheeks might be turning red.] I might hurt her. Somehow.

She's only just been born.

[Beth wouldn't hurt her, of course. Her hands were gentle, kind. She was her mother - a woman. She could care for her. D33 would surely bruise or damage her if he tried to touch her, he thinks.]

[littlemissfutility]

[Oh. Oh.

She knows that he doesn't trust himself around children, but on some level, she'd though that had passed. That he'd understand this one could be different. That the presence of his daughter would fix things.

But maybe not. There's a sharp stab in her gut, even though she can't really feel any of it (and thank God for that--she doesn't want to think about the sutures in her belly). If she could get up and gather Dee into her arms next to the baby, she'd do it.]

You love her. [Softly, but firmly. Dee might not be able to say that much himself, but Beth's certain of it. He loves her, and someday, he'll realize just how much.] I know you won't hurt her.

[But Dee's stubborn, and just saying it isn't enough. She tries to decide what a suitable offer might be.] Come closer. Look at her with me.