open post.

[imahologram]

for whatever miscellaneous bullshit your little heart can come up with.

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[ex_forcechoke292]

[He has all the patience in the world for her, especially now that there's been that very real threat of having it all ripped away again. He's as diligent about sending messages as he can be, but on the field, that diligence is demanded elsewhere. He doesn't mind the work, but it still means he sees less of his mother than he'd like.]

More of what it's been since I left. [It's with a tired sigh that he lets himself be herded toward the table.] The war's gone on too long, and everyone knows it.

[Maybe even all the way out here, he thinks. They must know, even without those ties to the Republic. The cartels aren't subtle, and the hutts even less so.]

Right now, everyone's "restrategizing," which I'm pretty sure is just a nice way to say... [he pauses, looking for the right word, and instead settles on flippancy:] no one knows.

[He sounds twenty years older than he should sometimes, but not in that moment.]

[shmi]

[She sets a glass of bantha milk and a pallie before him before she takes a seat herself. It's been so long since she's been able to feed him, but he gave her just enough notice that she could buy some fruit for his arrival. Years apart, after all, haven't dulled her memory for the things he loves.

The war is a distant concern, one she would pay little heed to if Anakin weren't wrapped up in it. He makes it a concern, where it otherwise might merely be a fact--and hearing that it's a point of drudgery in his life brings a frown over her.]

I hope they will find a solution that satisfies everyone. If they could just sit down and talk about it... [Of course, they probably have, and to no avail, but there must be an easier solution than the violence of battles. So many parents' children are put in danger that way, not only her own.

And then she gives Anakin a little smile.] But I doubt that I have the answer. These things are complicated, aren't they?

[ex_forcechoke292]

[Out here, the only connection they could possibly have are Hutt trade routes, and Anakin would much rather keep it that way. Life out here is hard enough, a fact he's still well-acquainted with, however different the context is now. It's a small consolation that it's not quite as thankless, but if he doesn't have to add to it, he won't.

That's a desire that makes this conversation that much harder. Every bit of news he's come here with is related to that war in some way or another, and however too-long it has dragged on, he suspects he wouldn't have much of what he does now without it.]

You sound like Padmé.

[That part at least, is easy. He's started to learn to find the levity in what he can (even as it gets harder the longer this conflict drags), but right now he doesn't have to look too far. Shmi, as always, seems to see the best in people who don't deserve it.]

They talk too much instead of just...doing something about it.

[Still, he can't quite drag the annoyance out of his tone. The system is still broken, he's always known that. His existence--their existence--has always been stark proof that the Republic prides itself more on ideals than action, and that doesn't change no matter how many people he wants to or tries to help.

He shrugs and bites in the fruit--far more enjoyable than the subject at hand--before continuing.]

It's always complicated. [Petulantly.] Luckily, I didn't come to bore both of us to death with politics.

[(It's unspoken that he gets enough of that at home.) Even if muddled political discourse would actually be preferable to finding the right words for what he wants to say.

And tackling the question of whether or not he can forgive himself for not saying any of it sooner. Or if his mother can.]

[shmi]

She was always kind. Your Republic would benefit from listening to her.

[Shmi remembers Padmé--the plain-clothed girl who walked at Qui-Gon Jinn's side, first, and then the young woman whose eyes were dark with worry--and more importantly, she remembers the way Anakin looked at her. Little of the aftermath of the Tuskens is clear to her, but she has a vague image of the two of them huddled together, speaking in low, pained voices. He'd said nothing of their relationship, so far as she remembers, but Shmi has her guesses.

Anakin and Owen aren't much alike, but the way Anakin looked at Padmé isn't so different from the way Owen looks at Beru. Mother or stepmother, she sees these things.]

Then we'll save the politics for Cliegg. He will be more than happy to tell you about the farmer's share. [A little joke, but not as little as it might seem. The movements of Republic and Separatist broaden and lose shape out here on the Outer Rim, until what's left are the wide, slow ripples that threaten to overturn their livelihood. The smile she gives her son is warm, the hand she sets on his arm gentle.] And you can tell me why you've come so far.

[ex_forcechoke292]

[Well, there's no hiding it after that, is there? It had been a fleeting, futile grasp to try and divert attention to anything but why he's really come, but again: his being here is already telling.

He swallows around the knot building in his throat, and sets the fruit down, temporarily forgotten when his focus hones in and builds all on the sentiment he can't quite find words for.

He'd practiced on the way here, even, but all of that is forgotten at the anxious twist in his stomach. If he reaches out, he can feel the question in more detail than she asks it, along with the attached concern, the anticipation, the worry.

The final one is the last thing he wants her to feel, even if this news, after the elation wears thin, leaves him stricken, and wide-eyed, and confused. He opens his mouth to start, and the word then, whatever it was, is lost. He tries again.]

I'm not sure where to start. [He pauses, and then tries to asuage that worry before it comes.] It's nothing bad! Well... [Depending on your point of view.] it's just--

[He inhales slowly, and averts his gaze to his fingers. It's a reality he'll have to come to accept eventually, with time, there will be no plausible denial he can give.]

This could...get me kicked out of the Order.

[It's out, finally, though the final half of that sentence comes out very fast, in a single breath, as if that could allay his fear of it. Out of sight, out of mind. Except it's never out of either.]

[shmi]

[Shmi's brow wrinkles. Kicked out of the Order--sent away from the Jedi he's loved and served?

She pictures something horrible: a theft, a murder, something criminal. It feels wrong, when she remembers the little boy so eager to follow Qui-Gon Jinn to the Core Worlds. How can she settle the thought of her son with the possibility of misdoings?]

Oh, Ani. [She can't keep the sorrow out of her voice. Her son is in trouble, somehow, and she's been too far from him to prevent it.] What is it?

[Whatever it is, she wants to tell him, they will find a way to fix it. There must be some way to help him--he's come to her in search of aid, she thinks, and she'll give him anything she can. For now, she squeezes his arm gently.]

[ex_forcechoke292]

It's nothing like that.

[It's given in the same easy, petulant tone as earlier, his own worry miles away (at least for that single moment). It's reflex that has him reaching out with his other hand, laid carefully atop hers when he's still learning restraint with it.]

I just didn't...I didn't want you to think I didn't want to tell you. I--

[Couldn't? Still really shouldn't? All of that only makes it sound worse.

She's going to kill me for this.]

Mom, I'm married.

[Halfway there. If it even makes it that far.]

[shmi]

[Shmi stares at him for a moment, two, before she lets go of him, her hands flying to her mouth. Married! He can't truly mean--but he does, he's absolutely serious, and he ]

Anakin Skywalker!

[It's not her best scolding: there's too much surprised laughter mixed in with the indignation, and now that she realizes it, she can't stop smiling. She stands, closing what little space remains between them so she can gather him against her. Bending down, she kisses his curly head.

Her eyes shut, and for one fleeting breath, he's her little boy again. And then he isn't He never will be again. Married! Her dear, grown son.]

And you didn't bring her here with you--Anakin, this is wonderful!

[The Order can wait until she's kissed and clucked over him; this is an occasion for such happiness.]

I wish you had warned me, so I could prepare--we'll have to celebrate tonight, once Owen brings Cliegg home.

[ex_forcechoke292]

Mom I--Mom!

[He has to get all of that feigned tiredness of her fussing over him out; soon, that's going to be his job.

Hells.

Anakin acts rather resigned to the whole thing, despite his relief momentarily spiking at her obvious approval. She's close, and here, everyone is happy, and this is all he's really wanted, isn't it?]

I couldn't tell you--her career's at stake as much as mine is.

[He sighs as he pulls back; there's the consideration that always makes it worse. As much as he wants to keep his mother close, he can't quite knock that tendency of folding in on himself when he's uncertain: and everything about this is uncertain.]

We're not supposed to have a political agenda, and if [WHEN] it... gets out that a Jedi and a Senator are--

[Fraternizing isn't even a good word for it. Still, Anakin can't even deny that his own mother's good mood is infectious, even if that makes this all harder, and he can't quite repress that smile, no matter how dim the inevitable outcome seems.]

But that's not...everything. [Another tense inhale.] You might want to sit back down for this.

[shmi]

Then it is Padmé. [Shmi says it with no small amount of satisfaction. Padmé is kind, and she has a gentleness that might temper Anakin's more forceful moods--but she is no one's person but her own. Anyone would hope for such a daughter-in-law.]

I'm sorry. [Not that sorry, though. She's still smiling, her face light and warm despite the wrinkles heat and hard living have put into it.] A mother can't help but be happy for her son.

[The fact that this secret could be dangerous for both of them is more difficult to accept. There is so much in the galaxy that is painful, so many people who suffer; surely happiness should be celebrated where it can be found, when it does no one harm. She knows little enough of the intricacies of their politics, but she knows what is right, and it's seeing her son's smile.

Drawing her chair up next to his, Shmi sits, and rests a hand upon his. She'll bear whatever must be borne, for his sake.]

Go on. You can tell me, whatever it is.

[ex_forcechoke292]

[As if there has ever been anyone else? But she doesn't know that, couldn't possibly, and thirteen years is a long enough time that the possibility--for anyone other than him, perhaps--would be wide open.

His nod then is an affirmation, and his smile, the one he can't quite get rid of despite the enormity of the consequence, is almost as telling as heart he's always worn sewn to his sleeve. There's more to it, there's always more to it, but when the politics are so far away...it's easier to forget there will be consequences when all he's surrounded by is this love.

(The Order has to be wrong about this. Maybe this time is the time he finds the right way to stay it.)

Anakin takes her hand in both of his, and takes a deep breath. This is what has brought him all the way out from the Core Worlds to a ball of dust he would otherwise be all too damned happy to forget, save for her.

This time, his eyes meet hers, and the smile there, wider than anything he could properly give, almost spoils everything.]

Padmé's pregnant.

[shmi]

[It doesn't seem possible that Anakin could be old enough to be married, let alone with a pregnant wife. But here he is, her grown son, promising her a grandchild to think of.]

P--oh, Anakin.

[There's relief there, palpable relief, at the fact that he's not in real trouble. This should be a joyous occasion, the thought of a new life. She should get up to hug him again.

But there's worry, too. If Anakin and Padmé's marriage must remain a secret, pregnancy is an unacceptable consequence for them. There is no secret in it; Shmi knows well enough that it marks a person in so many ways in the thoughts of others. That means little enough besides personal hardship for a slave. For a senator, it's different.]

A child is a wonderful thing, Ani. [She reaches for his hand with both of hers.] And I know that you and Padmé will be wonderful parents.

[ex_forcechoke292]

I know.

[It's intoned softly as he ducks his head, so used to having to hide the smile in it. This baby is a blessing. He hasn't stopped thinking that. Not once.

But a unique blessing also comes with unique consequences, and they're running out of time to hide from them.]

It's just-- [a pause] Mom, I don't know what to do.