open post.

[imahologram]

for whatever miscellaneous bullshit your little heart can come up with.

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its perf!

[forcesaken]

[ he hears it, of course. being a father for fourteen years, living in hiding for fourteen years, it has made his ears very sharp. and he contemplates not answering for a moment, rather picking at the variety of goods. but he has also been the husband to a former senator for fifteen years, it's hard not to pick up a few things from padme; tactics, patience, maturity. ]

Hey, come here.

[ he spreads a hand open to gestures for leia to come over. and when she does, he puts a hand to her back and points at the table of pastries in front of them. he picks out two gooey pastry with a berry fillings, one which he bites into and the other he gives to leia. ]

These are dweezels, I don't think we found any last time we were here.

[ he exchanges a few credits, unmarked, with the vendor for a paper bag full of dweezels. ]

What do you think? Is it enough for your brother to forgive me for not taking him along, or do I have to buy him a real power converter this time?

[notsoproperprincess]

[She sighs a little when he turns her attention to breakfast. It's not really an answer, and there's no promise that she'll get one later. Of course, Daddy's only selectively forthcoming about the past, a fact she's only just starting to see clearly, but it's especially true when it comes to Tatooine.

She takes the dweezel she's offered and takes a bite. The pastry is soft, and the paste inside is sweet and fruity; it's not a bad breakfast at all.]

If we aren't careful, he'll eat all of them before Mother gets one. They're great. [Mother says Luke's at the eating-them-out-of-house-and-home stage of being a teenage boy, though Leia can give him a run for his money when she wants to.] But he'd probably like a power converter better.

[Putting in a good word for him is the least she can do when he's stuck on the ship. Twins have to stick together.]

[forcesaken]

[ that gets a hearty chuckle from him. he remembers himself at that age and force, he often thinks about it now that luke is growing and looking more and more like a special blend of him and padme, rather than just anakin skywalker. leia's starting to show that as well, that maturity and hint of rebellion in her voice will make her a dangerous combination and anakin can't think of whose daughter she could be if not theirs.

he wraps his arm around his daughter's shoulders, the length of his cloak providing her relief from the twin suns and other unwise stares. they stroll along and blends in with the crowd. ]

Well, Luke knows we have to travel light for a while. Maybe next time.

[ anakin knows he has to address her question but a part of him still doesn't want to. it's not a happy tale. but leia should know where her father comes from, shouldn't she? anakin rubs leia's back, more of a comfort to himself than hers. ]

You know Tatooine isn't a nice place. Your grandmother and I lived here for a long time. It's a hard place to live in. It's harsh and rough, and it makes the people even more rough, Because that's the only way you can go on surviving. It's not like Naboo, sweetheart. This place doesn't give you an ounce unless it takes ten ounces from you first.

[notsoproperprincess]

Maybe if we see one that won't take up much room.

[It's for Luke's sake that she presses--just a little bit, since she knows as well as her brother that they have to fly light--since he can't be here. She can imagine him too easily, stretched out pale-faced and annoyed on his bunk, turning a model skyhopper over and over in his hands.

This is the Empire's fault, she reminds herself. No one else's. But it would still be nice to bring him something more lasting than sweets, if they could.

She listens, quiet, leaning her head against her father's side as they walk.]

I know. [Tatooine's ground is baked hard by the sunlight, and the faces of the people they pass seem just as hard-cooked, with lined faces and weathered skin. No one could mistake it for a resort planet.]

But most places aren't like Naboo. I mean-- [Leia stops for a moment, looking for the words she wants. It's not the kind of debate she practices in lessons with Mother, but it seems delicate enough a topic to call for the same care and precision. She wants to say this right, for Daddy's sake.] It's more than that, isn't it? I know it was hard, but...I can feel it.

[There's ugliness here beyond poverty.]

[forcesaken]

[ he gives leia a fond look for sticking up for her twin but says nothing of it. it's better that way, no promises. no getting leia's hopes up for jovial luke. he knows how the emotions reverberate between them, so strongly that it even affects him sometimes. he appreciates and dread those moments equally.

but on the topic of tatooine, he switches back to a somber look. knowing he has to be cautious with his words, with his own emotions in case that darkness inside of him gets passed on to his daughter, his children. ]

It... is. [ she's so big now, so independent. he worries about the day he can't protect her. he fears it but knows it will come. his wife's soft voice comes to mind: you can't save everyone, ani.

the very best he can do is prepare her, just as he prepared ahsoka all those years ago. this is only the beginning. anakin heaves a sigh and he smiles sadly down at her, as they come to a shaded area. he tucks a piece of leia's hair behind her ear then place a steady durasteel hand on her shoulder. ]

Tatooine is a place with bad memories. It's personal for me. And I suppose, for us. There's a broken and burnt settlement far away from Mos Espa, or any town we know of. Your grandmother. She died there.

[notsoproperprincess]

[A smile is the best she can hope for right now. Even if they go home with nothing but dweezels, that's still more than nothing, and for her parents' sake, Leia tries to pretend that more than nothing is enough. (So does Luke, and sometimes she thinks he's better at it, but really, it's just that they slip up in different ways.) Leading the Empire on a galoomp chase is hard on Mother and Daddy, and Leia tries not to make it harder when she can help it.

And that makes asking about Tatooine a treacherous thing. It's placing more on Daddy's shoulders than she probably should--but they've come here more than once, and every time, it's a fight. How can he keep bringing them this way when it makes him so miserable?]

Oh.

[The answer is uglier than she could have imagined. There's more hiding behind what he says; she can feel it in the way his hand rests on her shoulder. Died is a euphemism--that's what Mother would call it. Something worse than mere death, and to her grandmother, of all people. They don't speak of her much, but when they do, it's with reverence and the knowledge that meeting her would have been an honour.

Guilt floods her, for making him say this, and making him say this here. And below it, a creeping sensation inside her, the vaguely formed knowledge of the danger anyone can be in on Tatooine. The danger she'd be in, were she alone.

No wonder he doesn't like this place. And yet they keep getting pulled back, as if he can't quite escape the twin suns.]

I'm sorry. [It doesn't seem like enough, but she's not sure anything would be.] I didn't realize.

[forcesaken]

[ he is reminded of how lucky is that leia even exists, that tiny voice and her tiny hands in his, her first stumbling steps and the immediate and Force connection they have is a wonderful, absolutely wonderful thing. he is reminding himself of that right now when the bitter and hated memories of his past are dredged up and upheaves that balance he finds -- still finds-- so hard to keep.

he loves this miraculous child in front of him. he loves his wife for loving him in an impossible time, for luke's blond hair and leia's voice. he loved his mother. and she is remembered.

it soothes the grief he still feels. he smiles that same sad smile down at his daughter. ] You don't have to apologize for it. I never told you, you couldn't have known. I wanted to keep you far away from knowing about it, but you're getting older now, kiddo. [ a lighter tone returns and he winks at his kid, even though there's still an air of melancholy around them. he begins to move on, tucking his hands back into his cloak. ] Some day, you're going to have hold my hand through hard truths.

[notsoproperprincess]

[Leia follows suit when he starts to walk again, but after a moment or two, she reaches over, brushing aside his coat so she can take his hand. These aren't new stories for him, but she thinks they must be hard--even if he calls her kiddo and winks like they're sharing a secret.

She is getting older. Right now, it mostly means she feels an overwhelming sort of concern for her father's feelings, one she never would have known when she was half this age. Thinking of him, despondent over the memories he carries, puts an ache in her chest unlike any other.]

It doesn't have to be someday. [There's no reason for it to be.] We have each other, like Mother always says.

[forcesaken]

[ he lets her take his hand; it's a small comfort to have that familiarity again. though, he remembers the first time she held his hand; she reached for his artificial, durasteel and cold hand, and he had feared he would somehow scare her, that she would touch his hand and realized her father is made up of parts that made him less. he still thinks that some days.

he washes his worry over with a weird giddy joy that comes from knowing his daughter is still willing to hold his hand. he smiles brightly down at her, keeping their pace without pause. ]

Look at you, you're getting so smart. Are you sure you're my little girl? [ he teases lightly and warmth exudes from him. ] Your grandmother would be so happy to hear you say that.

[notsoproperprincess]

[She rolls her eyes, because that's her part to play. Dad is the slipshod father, Leia's the not-at-all-amused (except that she is) daughter. But she squeezes his prosthetic hand as easily as she might his flesh hand, silent admission that she appreciates the compliment.

(He's always had a droid hand, as far as she and Luke are concerned, and it's always seemed as natural a part of him as his hair or his mouth. There's nothing about it that's grotesque, in her mind; it's warm and comfortably paternal to her.)]

I wish I could have met her. [A little rueful, but genuine.]

[forcesaken]

[ there are moments when he wish he could still lift her up in his arms, when he could still give his children shoulder rides and all the protection they would ever need and more. he knows those moments are becoming more and more frequent. but he appreciates the more mature view leia has developed. it makes talking to her easier. and harder.

his mother is never a happy topic. he would rather not talk about it at all. but if living living with padme has taught him one thing, it's talking about it always happens, whether he likes it or not. gone are the jedi reserve and his need to stash away all his emotions, he doesn't miss them at all. ]

You would have loved her. Your grandmother is strong, brave and kind. As kind as you can be. [ anakin smiles wistfully and gives leia's hand a squeeze. ] It takes a lot of courage to be kind in a place like this, and even more to remember that you should be kind to others when your own life isn't your own.