x-men AU.

[justashotaway]

Since Warren disappeared back into a past she'll never know, Laura's felt more numb than anything. Something else should be there, some sensation besides he was here and now he's gone, but life doesn't seem to change much. She fights bad guys. She eats Chinese food. She falls asleep during a Golden Girls marathon with Gabby and wakes up at three AM with Jonathan sitting on her chest, staring unblinking into her eyes.

And if she misses Warren--or Scott, or Bobby, any of them--the feeling lives someplace inside her without drawing attention to itself. She does miss them, she knows that much intellectually, but she does not want to dredge up the sensation if it's willing to lay dormant someplace inside her.

More than anything, she's restless. And one night, when Gabby and Jonathan have both been invited to the school for some kind of party ("It's a lock-in," Gabby'd explained, "and I'm only going because there's going to be nachos"--which is true, if only because Gabby's never actually been a student there), Laura goes out, too. Not as X-23, but as Laura Kinney, in a leather jacket and black jeans, sitting down at a cheap bar beside a curly-haired girl and ordering a beer.

This, she knows, is how Logan would deal with heartache. She's not sure that's what she's feeling, and she knows better than to take Logan's habits as suggestions in general, but she's willing to give it a try.

Comments

[sulahnan]

She makes a soft, noncommittal noise and reaches over to open the drawer of the coffee table to rummage around without looking. But of course she can't find shit without looking so she inevitably has to sit up slightly to dig around with a bit more purpose.

"You might be able to get a little faded if you eat an entire package of gummies," she jokes. Sort of. She wouldn't mind donating thirty dollars worth of weed candy to the cause, if Laura wanted.

Lighter: found. Joint: lit. Window: open. It doesn't smell as bad as it could because it's some kind of flavored mix, but nevertheless it's not a smell that Tessa wants to linger in her apartment. She gives Laura a little kiss and plants herself on the arm of the sofa right next to the fire escape and blows the smoke outside.

[justashotaway]

"For a few minutes, anyway." Laura pecks her back and leans her head against her side, an arm still around her waist. "I'll buy you some more."

She's seen Tessa calm down by way of weed before, and it's tempting to join her, even if it's unlikely to do much. (Or maybe it'll have more effect than she thinks--healing factor fucked up as it is, she might not be metabolizing things as quickly, either.) "In the drawer?"

She's maybe already bending forward to look. RIP, gummis.

[sulahnan]

"Mmhmm," There's probably a couple different flavors to choose from, since Tessa always forgets what she has and just goes with what looks good at the time. Peach rings, sour ribbon candy, ginger-peach gummies that are similar in consistency to Swedish Fish...

But because the edibles have a stronger effect than smoking, take longer to kick in, and last longer, she usually doesn't reach for them first. They should be perfect for Laura.

"With your metabolism they'll probably kick in pretty fast, since for me they take like, forty-five minutes," she says, sighing out a cloud and closing her eyes briefly. The effects almost always start from the top and radiate downwards, making her cheeks tingle pleasantly and her limbs feel heavy. "But they also last six hours for me so. Whatever that math works out to be for you."

[justashotaway]

"We'll find out." This isn't an experiment she's tried before--but it seems like it might help cement what they've talked about, the fact that they're both in this together. Girlfriends getting high, side by side, for whatever that might be worth. So she takes the package of ginger-peach gummis and tears into it, popping one in her mouth. "These aren't bad."

There's an aftertaste, but there's an aftertaste with a lot of non-weed candy, too--it's just a different set of chemicals. Laura settles back into Tessa's side, content to be there whether the drugs take or not. "Is there anything else we need to talk about?"

You know. Since they're here.

[sulahnan]

"Yeah they're not too weedy," she agrees, and brushes her fingers through Laura's hair once she's back in reach.

Thing is, there's plenty to talk about, but Tessa doesn't know all of it. So she laughs softly and considers the question for a moment.

"Probably. We haven't gone over our tragic backstories, but I don't know if we wanna go down that particular rabbit-hole."

[justashotaway]

Laura takes to that, tilting her head against Tessa's fingertips.

"Not like that." They're going to have to talk about it at some point--if only because everyone else knows--but whether they do it tonight or some other time, she'd rather wait until the weed's hit. "Are you...worried about anything else?"

Fearful sounds too strong.

[sulahnan]

"Oh," she hums, gently grazing her nails over Laura's scalp. When she answers, she sounds casual, like she's mentioning that she went to the grocery store the other day. "Well periodically I worry that you'll get tired of me, but we've kind of already touched on that before. And the general concern around the whole not healing at peak mutant speed thing. Do you have any...worries? About us?"

If Laura puts an ellipses before worried then that's the format Tessa's gonna follow.

[justashotaway]

Laura has to think about that, too--she puts another gummi in her mouth in hopes of buying herself a little time to decide how honestly to answer. Completely, she knows, is the correct answer, not least because Tessa was honest with her. That's the correct choice.

It's also the difficult choice. But she's willing to give it a try.

"I'm used to being the person with...issues. In a relationship." I'm used to being the fucked-up one. She eats another gummi, looking someplace across the room. "I'm concerned that I won't know what to say to you when you need help. Or that my issues will be too much."

[sulahnan]

Tessa nods and breathes smoke through her nose--whoo that always feels weird.

"I feel you," she says. Literally, of course, but also because she's thought the same thing. Laura's literally got the weight of the world on her shoulders, she doesn't need to carry a Tessa-shaped pile of insignificant issues on top of it. "For what it's worth, you did great tonight."

And they did fine when Laura got flayed. Relatively speaking.

[justashotaway]

The literally part helps with the rest--she could get used to this, idly snacking while someone (Tessa, it'd have to be Tessa, she's 90% of the appeal) strokes her hair. Figuratively, this is one more thing to ponder when she's not trying to escape sobriety: is she making this about her? Is wondering that making it more about her?

"Thank you." It's perfunctory, necessary. And then, quieter: "I can't promise I'll always do great. But I'll try. I want you to have what you need."

[sulahnan]

Touching you helps. Hearing your voice. She could get used to idly stroking Laura's hair while getting high.

"Trying's all either of us can do. I think I just need you to be you." If Laura had tried to act like anyone but herself tonight, there's a good chance it would've only made things worse.

[justashotaway]

When Laura breathes out, it's a little huff, somewhere between a sigh and a laugh. "I've never known how to be anyone else."

And she has tried--she still does. There are days when contractions still sound like someone else's words coming out in her voice. "I need that, too. And for you to tell me if it's too much. It...you wouldn't be the first."

All right. Maybe these stupid candies are having an effect.

[sulahnan]

"I'll try," she agrees. By pure coincidence she thinks she can feel Laura being affected, because she's started visualizing her breathing as a river of energy flowing through her limbs like a big galaxy-brained game of snake. And she's soothed immensely by the feeling of Laura's hair filtering through her fingers, the subtle vibrations felt through her fingertips.

"It's gonna be tough because I'll want to support you even if it is too much. But I promise to try." She can be a good listener, even if she has to stress-clean the apartment at the same time.

[justashotaway]

"Mm." It might be the weed, or Tessa's touch, or the knowledge that whatever happens in the next hour, it probably won't ruin either of their lives--but things feel easier, somehow. The sun's disappearing behind the skyscrapers, the air's warm, and Tessa's here beside her, easy to lean into.

Laura's starting to want to talk, and not just so she can reassure Tessa. To explain herself, to have someone she can tell--this isn't going to be reassuring anyway. The words exist, fully formed, and they want to come out. "My last boyfriend...he thought I was dead once. I might have been dead. We broke up for a while over it."

[sulahnan]

Okay, there's a lot to unpack there. Tessa's eyebrows are the first to react, leaping up towards her hairline.

"I'm guessing you don't mean that you broke up while you may or may not have been dead."

[justashotaway]

Laura laughs a little, despite herself. It isn't funny, and it doesn't feel all that funny, but--Tessa's funny. Nothing feels especially serious at the moment. "We might have. Warren had a few minutes to think about it."

Don't worry about high-profile mutants named Warren, or how Worthington Industries has interests in everything from the fuel industry to newspapers to frozen yogurt. After a while, it's possible to forget just how rich and privileged he is.

Sort of.

[sulahnan]

Tessa laughs a little because Laura laughs a little. It really isn't all that funny, but yeah. Nothing feels insurmountable or world-ending.

"Wow, a few minutes," In terms of being dead minutes might be a long time but taking only minutes to decide whether or not your girlfriend coming back from the dead is too much to handle? That's nothing. Tessa has no idea how long she's just spent thinking about this, but that's because being high makes time work differently in the brain, and she spent at least One Minute thinking about wait, that Warren?

"That's fucked up."

[justashotaway]

Not quite That Warren, if only because he wasn't at least a decade older than her, but they can probably save the time-travel conversation for another day. It was a Warren, that's what matters.

Laura shifts a little next to Tessa, head tipping down. A few minutes--and days, weeks, months of seeing her rush headlong into danger before that. She understands the frustration that he had, even if it still frustrates her to remember. "I...used to cut myself. He thought I was using fighting as a substitute."

[sulahnan]

"Were you?" It's not accusatory, just curious. Seems like something important enough to know.

[justashotaway]

Laura shrugs. She didn't have a good answer then. She doesn't have a good answer now. Probably not, she'd like to think, but she can't actually say that with certainty.

"Maybe," she finally replies, fishing another gummi from the bag.

[sulahnan]

Tessa hums, thoughtful. She hasn't stopped stroking Laura's hair, but as the high settles into her limbs she moves more slowly.

"Sounds like a bad time," It's hardly the most constructive thing she could say, but she doesn't really know how to respond to this information. Something in her is a little riled up at the thought of someone dumping Laura for something like that, because isn't that part and parcel to who Laura is? Isn't that kind of a given when you get involved? Of course there's room for worry and all that, but to date a superhero and then expect them to suddenly change to be safer just seems naive. "You only broke up for a while?"

[justashotaway]

"Yes." She doesn't say more, mostly because it would mean rereading a bunch of All-New X-Men to remember why and that sounds like too much effort. And also because it was complicated. Being with Warren eventually became something other than enjoying his company, some mix of inertia and the desire not to be Too Fucked Up For Warren Worthington (and the convenience of having a boyfriend who could fly).

Hiding her face against Tessa's hip, she takes a long breath in. Why are they talking about this? Because the edge of it is blunted (ha), she supposes. And Tessa deserves--if they're girlfriends--to know what kind of girlfriend Laura's been in the past. Her arm tightens around Tessa's waist, her voice muffled. "I do dangerous things. I will get hurt again. But I recover. You should know that."

[sulahnan]

"I do know it," Tessa nods not unlike a bobble-head that's been tapped once and is just riding out the momentum. "You got shot on our first date, and I mean--"

Again, the couch. A constant reminder of aforementioned flaying and blood loss etc. She ashes her spent joint and gets rid of the roach, then turns to slide off the arm of the sofa and into Laura's lap.

"I'll still worry, but the dangerous...the danger is like, part of the Laura Kinney experience. Like how people still ride roller-coasters even though they break all the time and if it breaks on the wrong side of the loop de loop you could get flung off the tracks and land so far away that at first the coroner doesn't even know your death is connected to the theme park in the next state." Okay that got away from her. She'll admit it.

[justashotaway]

Laura pulls her in close, until all her senses are consumed with Tessa: her scent mixed with marijuana, the sound of her breath and pulse, her skin and clothes and the darkness of burying her face in her hair and closing her eyes. Everything is Tessa, Laura's arms made oddly heavy where they settle around her waist.

"I don't want you thrown from the roller coaster," she murmurs into Tessa's scalp, just past her ear. Whatever happens, Tessa won't be there to see the worst of it, at least--just the aftermath.

[sulahnan]

She laughs quietly, wrapping her arms around Laura's neck in a loose embrace.

"I don't wanna be thrown off either, but I really like roller-coasters." How much do we wanna bet that we're gonna thread exactly the kind of situation that one or both of them wanna avoid? A millionty billion dollars?

"You can probably guess that none of my break-ups had to do with me rushing into danger. I dunno the like...precedent of that or anything."