x-men AU.

[justashotaway]

Since Warren disappeared back into a past she'll never know, Laura's felt more numb than anything. Something else should be there, some sensation besides he was here and now he's gone, but life doesn't seem to change much. She fights bad guys. She eats Chinese food. She falls asleep during a Golden Girls marathon with Gabby and wakes up at three AM with Jonathan sitting on her chest, staring unblinking into her eyes.

And if she misses Warren--or Scott, or Bobby, any of them--the feeling lives someplace inside her without drawing attention to itself. She does miss them, she knows that much intellectually, but she does not want to dredge up the sensation if it's willing to lay dormant someplace inside her.

More than anything, she's restless. And one night, when Gabby and Jonathan have both been invited to the school for some kind of party ("It's a lock-in," Gabby'd explained, "and I'm only going because there's going to be nachos"--which is true, if only because Gabby's never actually been a student there), Laura goes out, too. Not as X-23, but as Laura Kinney, in a leather jacket and black jeans, sitting down at a cheap bar beside a curly-haired girl and ordering a beer.

This, she knows, is how Logan would deal with heartache. She's not sure that's what she's feeling, and she knows better than to take Logan's habits as suggestions in general, but she's willing to give it a try.

Comments

[sulahnan]

"You're not forgiven," She's just worried because Laura's hurt, and would rather be mad and for Laura to be fine. "Because I'm not mad."

[justashotaway]

Laura's eyes have been half-closed, like a cat considering a doze. One cracks open properly, taking in the sight of Tessa's face: sad, scented with saltwater, somehow trying to smile anyhow. "You probably should be."

[sulahnan]

"If I was what I should be I'd be a very different person," she says, and reaches up to gently brush an errant lock of hair away from Laura's face. "I'll put on something to watch, and once you're not...splayed out like a butterfied chicken, we can take a bath, and get you into something clean and warm so you can catch up on however many days' sleep you've lost doing whatever world-saving shit you've been up to, ok?"

[justashotaway]

In an instant, she feels like she understands something more of Logan than she previously had. It's a realization she'd struggle to put into words, but knowing that she's been granted a reprieve, knowing this will undoubtedly happen again...this moment, she's sure, she shares with her father.

"Okay." It's more kindness than she deserves, and she knows it--she'll try to make Tessa's easy forgiveness worth something, she tells herself. And in the meanwhile, she'll try to make her own presence here worth something, too. "Anything but Bob Ross."

[sulahnan]

Tessa smiles and leans in to kiss Laura again, short and sweet, before standing.

"Not Bob Ross," she concedes. She doesn't do any fancy first aid, but lays some gauze over Laura's back just to protect it enough to put a blanket over her. Then, finding the remote, she situates herself on the couch, leaning back against the arm and patting her lap to invite Laura to crawl herself over to rest her head on Tessa's stomach. "We can watch all the Ip Man movies, then."

[justashotaway]

"Gabby's going through a phase," she adds, by way of explanation. She'll have to remember to bring one of the resulting paintings by, if her sister's willing to give any of them up. They really aren't bad--but there's a lot of them, at this point. Under the circumstances, having a two-bedroom apartment in New York is nothing to complain about, but there's been a lot of happy little trees in the Kinney household--and only so much wall space to speak of.

Submitting to gauze and a blanket is easy enough. So is scooting up until she's draped over Tessa, her cheek pressed against her middle. Her fingers are mostly back to normal, when she gives them a few tentative flexes; one still aches, but so minorly that it doesn't count. More importantly, this is nicer than anything she expected from the night. "I don't think I've seen them."

[sulahnan]

"They're kind of biographical, I think, but mostly they're just awesome. Ip Man was Bruce Lee's teacher, but he was also like...an inspiration to the citizens of China to resist Japanese occupation," A few button clicks and the movie is starting, just music and written context translated in the subtitles. "And he's played by Donnie Yen, who's a total babe."

Free of the remote, Tessa threads her fingers through Laura's hair--pointedly not thinking about how any little snag that she gently works through is likely dried blood.

[justashotaway]

It'd be nice to say that Laura paid attention to the entire thing, commenting under her breath at especially good scenes--but she doesn't. Mostly because she's asleep within twenty minutes of Tessa putting the movie on. She's fighting a losing battle, between the blood loss and the energy burn, but even if she weren't...listening to Tessa's breath and all the tiny sounds of her existence is far more soothing than she might have assumed.

She drifts off with Tessa's heartbeat near enough to hear and jerks awake an hour later, bolt upright and unseeing for a moment or two. When the claws of her better hand come out, they're nowhere near Tessa, thankfully, but they feel completely necessary. And yet she wouldn't be able to say why--she's just made of anxiety in that moment, ready to fight anything that crosses her.

Once she realizes what just happened, she closes her eyes, taking a sharp breath in. With effort, she makes her claws snakt back under her skin. "Sorry."

[sulahnan]

It's late enough and she's high enough and, with Laura resting on her, comfortable enough to doze off herself, so when Laura's unconsciousness is suddenly cut short, Tessa wakes too. Just...a tad slower. Fear is an afterthought, and not really enough to drown out her sleepy bewilderment and the piqued interest that--let's face it, it's not piqued interest, it's a danger-boner and it's something they both have in common even if it hasn't exactly come up in conversation. But confusion and concern wins the battle for dominance.

"What's up? Are you OK?"

[justashotaway]

Laura nods, taking another breath. This one is longer--something Logan had believed in, breathing and waiting for the body to respond correctly. It works, if more slowly than she would like in the moment. Breath, listen to what the body is doing, breath. And after a long moment, she opens her eyes.

"Nothing. Sometimes I..." She shrugs, glancing away from Tessa's sleepy gaze. Belatedly, she notices that all her clothes above the waist are tattered and gingerly pulls them off, leaving them in a blood-stiffened heap on the floor next to the couch. It occurs to her that her back feels significantly closer to normal--it's probably mostly healed by now. Even with her eyes open, even without focusing on her breath, she finds herself trying to listen to the shape of herself. "It's why I ask people not to wake me."

Which Tessa didn't do, of course. But it serves as a good lesson anyway. She twists her shoulders back and forth, testing her flesh, but it seems to be holding together. Beside them, Ip Man plays on. (Someday, they'll put on a movie and actually watch it. Maybe.)

[sulahnan]

Maybe someday.

Tessa nods understanding and sits up a little, reaching for Laura's arm and trailing her fingers along the inside of her wrist. A simple, soft gesture without thought. She won't pursue the topic of why Laura wakes up like that yet; it doesn't even really cross her mind to right now.

"How's your back? Still--" She mimes with two fingers like cutting with scissors. Real eloquent. It's equal parts Tessa being Tessa, being sleepy, and being high.

[justashotaway]

Laura gives it one more experimental try, but the skin holds--as she knew it probably would. This is better, the pain of it gone; even if it's still fresh, too pink and shiny to pass for normal skin, it's whole. She shakes her head.

(It's less, she thinks, for Tessa to have to deal with. As calm as she was about the whole...everything...Laura's still aware that they'd probably both be better off if only one of them saw the gruesome parts of the world. Tessa's not like Warren, not really a part of the world that makes Laura bleed. Laura doesn't like the idea of her having to find out just how dangerous things can get.)

"I could use a shower," she says quietly, standing up. She'll have to replace the couch, maybe the carpeting--there must be a slush fund for that someplace in the X-Men budget. Her hand drifts along Tessa's curly hair, wanting the affection she's missed over the last month. "But then we can..."

A shrug. Sleep, watch a movie, order dinner--whatever Tessa wants.

[sulahnan]

"I'll get you a clean towel and something to wear," Athessa moves to get off the couch, pausing when she looks down at herself. The floor, the couch, and her hoodie are smeared with blood, of course, which isn't something she'd really forgotten, but she didn't realize just how much was getting spread around.

Hm. She pulls the hoodie off and tosses it with the rest of the discarded bloody clothes, but the shirt under the hoodie also has suffered. Welp. Guess she'll be getting out two towels, and a second set of clean clothes.

"Maybe I'll join you, actually."

[justashotaway]

More things to replace. The running tally isn't too bad at this point--compared to the couch, finding a new hoodie won't take much--but it's a potent reminder of just how thoroughly she's disturbed Tessa's evening. For all she doesn't seem to mind, Laura does.

"I'd like that." She doubts she's likely to keel over in the shower, but Tessa's presence couldn't hurt; the last thing she needs is to accidentally drown herself in a puddle of water. With a little smile, exhausted but warm, she adds, "If there's space."

[sulahnan]

Oh, there's space. Even though her apartment as a whole is small, somehow she lucked out and got a larger-than-average tub and shower.

"If you think you might keel over we could take a bath instead," she offers over her shoulder, only half-joking. Two towels are fetched out of the closet, two pairs of soft sweatpants, two shirts. She considers getting out the fluffy socks her aunt sent for Christmas but decides they can wait, ultimately. Chances are they'll be migrating into the bedroom after they get cleaned up anyway, so if there's a call for fuzzy socks, they'll be within reach.

"You know, for a bit I was kinda worried you'd like..." It sounds stupid, but she's already saying it and can't bail out now. She turns on the shower and holds her hand under the water, waiting for it to heat up. "I dunno, gotten bored of me or something."

[justashotaway]

"I'll be fine." She's stripping out of what's left of her clothes, tossing her jeans into a corner. (Would this have been harder or easier in the uniform? A little easier, probably--it's made for getting thrown against pavement in ways denim isn't. Bad luck's all that found her fighting without it.) Fortunately, the rest of her is pretty much healed; whatever bruises and scrapes her legs might have picked up are long gone.

Laura's about to add that she's feeling better, perhaps something about having someone else nearby--but Tessa speaks again, and she pauses. She hadn't thought this was coming, after Tessa insisted that she wasn't angry, and this is not anger. This is resignation, or sadness, or something else like those feelings. She thought you abandoned her.

And that is definitely worse.

Padding across the cool tiles, she rests a hand on Tessa's shoulder and leans in to kiss her. Lightly, softly, but not quickly--for reasons besides tiredness, she's inclined to linger. "You're one of the most interesting people I know."

[sulahnan]

Fuck, she was trying to say it like a joke but with this real reaction and real assurance it's not as easy to detach from the feeling. The kiss doesn't linger nearly long enough, either.

"I... am trying real hard not to argue with that. I mean, you're... amazing, and always surrounded by similarly amazing people," This is a totally normal conversation to have while undressing, right? Also totally normal to only have a shirt and pants to kick free of because who the fuck wears underwear at home? "I dunno why I brought it up. I'm not--It's not even an issue! Clearly."

Clearly, because they're about to shower together, because she's not mad even if she should be, because even if Laura ruined the couch and part of the floor and one of her hoodie, Tessa really really likes her and would take any opportunity to just lay on the couch together.

Clearly.

[justashotaway]

She can't help but think of Logan again, of the dozens of people he must have left behind in his life. She'd been one of them, once, for reasons that weren't entirely his fault, and after--she wouldn't have believed him, either. No matter how fiercely she loved him, wanted to live up to him, longed for him to look at her with the same kind of fatherliness he could summon for students he didn't share blood with...she'd have been certain she smelled a lie, if he'd said anything similar.

How it is she's become her father here, she isn't entirely sure--but she needs to find a way to do better.

"Almost everyone I know," Laura says quietly, entirely unconcerned with the water spraying beside them, her own nudity, or Tessa's pyjamas, "has known me since I was a teenager. Even if they were all amazing, they wouldn't be you."

[sulahnan]

Tying her hair up in a messy bun with a hair-tie from the counter, she sighs and tries to wrap her head around the idea of a bunch of literal superheroes seeming normal and normal people being interesting. It shouldn't be so hard to imagine, since she herself is the one coming up with interesting backstories for people in bars, right?

It's not fair, but not for the reasons that it shouldn't be fair. She doesn't even know what she wants to do with her life, what her purpose is, who she is, and that's thrown into painful perspective by someone who so clearly has a capital-P Purpose and probably knows exactly what they need to do.

"Sorry, I know it's stupid," she says on a laugh, and reaches out to brush a hair out of Laura's face. The action just calls to attention the blood that Tessa didn't manage to clean away, like that patch that's caked around Laura's ear. Another laugh bubbles out, but this time far more mirthful and not nearly so self-conscious. "We're gonna have to wash behind your ears, gosh."

[justashotaway]

"I've heard stupider." It's how you feel, she wants to say, which means it isn't stupid. But that's corny at best, and it's hypocritical, too--there's so much she isn't saying to Tessa at that moment, all of it just below the surface. How everyone who knows her knows the things she's done, remembers when she barely spoke, sees a different Wolverine when they look at her. To know someone who sees only the Laura Kinney who exists right now is more novel than she can get across without telling stories she'd rather not share tonight.

She tilts her head a little as Tessa touches her hair, the corner of her mouth tugging up. "And I may need help with that."

The water must be warm by now, and if it isn't, Laura doesn't care. She pulls away from Tessa reluctantly, stepping over the rim of the tub and into the shower's spray.

[sulahnan]

Someday, they'll do shower sex. Some day in the future when Laura hasn't been mauled, and when Tessa isn't faded on the final dregs of adrenaline at just about seeing her girlfriend's spine laid bare. Like, literally.

But for tonight, it's just a nice hot shower full of actually getting clean, even if getting clean involved a lot of gentle caresses. And sure, there are a few kisses, but what is Tessa supposed to do? Not kiss her? Absurd.

Especially when Tessa trails her fingers over the freshly regenerated skin on Laura's back, the injury merely a shadow now. She kisses the nape of Laura's neck.

[justashotaway]

The blood comes off quickly enough, once it's pelted with steaming hot water, running down the drain like a scene out of a horror movie. Even behind her ears, even through her hair--with a little scrubbing, all that's left is a faint tinge of red under her fingernails, and that always goes with time. That she doesn't have to regrow any of her nails this time is enough.

What takes longer, matters more, is unwinding some of the weary tension in her muscles. Remembering what it feels like to be a person. The slippery touch of Tessa's hands helps; the warmth of her mouth, the taste of hot water on her skin, does, too. They stand together in the spray, Laura's head drooping forward, and for a few minutes, there's no world beyond the scent of soap and the brush of Tessa's lips against her neck. Reaching back, Laura finds Tessa's hand and takes it, fingers lacing tight.

At some point, the water starts to cool--as good a sign as any that they should get out. Laura's toweling off her hair, then trying in vain to get it to stop sticking to her cheeks, when she says, "Next time, I'll try to tell you first. If something's going on--I can't promise I'll be able to. But I'll try."

[sulahnan]

"I mean your hand was literally broken. I wouldn't expect you to type out hey, got some end of the world type shit I gotta deal with so I'm going dark for a bit," Tessa has already dried off--since she doesn't have to dry her mane of curls--and shimmies into her clean pajamas. "Maybe we should come up with a code word for it. If you only text the word pineapples or something, I'll know not to worry more than what's reasonable for someone dating a mutant."

[justashotaway]

"The broken hand was a recent development," she points out wryly, pulling a shirt over her head. If anything, she should've texted Tessa back when she realized she was going to be in Madripoor longer than a night or two. "But if you want...it'd be a safeword for a relationship?"

It's a little ingenious, when she stops to think about it.

[sulahnan]

She laughs softly. "Something like that, yeah."

If Tessa stopped to think about it, she'd realize that she's not only stumbled upon a way to tell when she hasn't been ditched, but also to tell when Laura is actually the one texting, in extenuating circumstances. And maybe, a signal for when if ever Tessa herself gets into trouble. Like being kidnapped.

"It doesn't have to be pineapples." She smiles, stepping closer in order to unstick some still-wet hair from Laura's face.